Over the many years I have actually learned much about productive political discussions. Politics are one of the things you are not supposed to be able to discuss with people as it can often lead to emotional outbursts and hurt feelings. There are ways to have a productive discussion but it may be a bit difficult.
Years ago I thought I knew everything. I thought that I had a firm understanding as to how politics were supposed to work in my greatly simplified and narrow view of the world. I could out-argue almost anybody and I thought that meant I won. Unfortunately I didn’t really have much of a point to arguing as I only claimed to want to convince people when in fact I just wanted to be superior and assert that superiority through my own understanding.
It turns out though that I only a very narrow and simplified view on things. After taking on a challenge of reading the 51 volume set of Harvard Classics I quickly learned that my model was very incomplete and that I still had a lot to learn. I also read “Crucial Conversations” and learned that it is very important to try to help people productively contribute ideas to the pool of meaning.
The result? I have actually changed my position on many of the issues as I have opened myself up and learned more. I have also realized that I still don’t know everything and will likely adjust my positions in the future.
So what have I learned?
Admit that you don’t know everything.
Genuinely value others opinions and input.
Decide based on accurate data, not gather data based on your opinion.
Insist on accuracy on both sides.
Realize things are complex.
Disengage when things become emotional.
1. Admit that you don’t know everything
I know this is difficult. It has been my experience that people feel secure taking on the role of the know-it-all and don’t know what to do without it. Firmly held opinions give us a false sense of security that we are right. But that doesn’t make us right. Try another role. Try being the one who is the best listener or one who compiles good ideas from others.
Many of us are familiar with the story of the man who goes to the teacher to learn. The teacher pours tea into the man’s cup and it overflows. The man tells the teacher to stop as it can’t fit any more tea. The teacher tells the man that if your mind is full you cannot learn. The great thing about actually admitting you don’t know means that you are finally ready to learn.
I have found that admitting you aren’t sure about something also helps people soften their approach and that you can always learn together.
2. Genuinely value others opinions and input
Once you are willing to learn, people will share a multitude of opinions. One of the great things about America is that we have combined great ideas from many cultures to form our society. I firmly believe that other people have the right to believe what they want and that I don’t need to interfere with how they practice that belief, within the bounds of the law.
I have also found that genuinely listening to people about this beliefs helps me be less prone to be fooled by people misrepresenting those beliefs. I sometimes even learn something that improves my own beliefs.
I also try to remember that Utah was founded on the principle of religious freedom. We need to make sure to not only apply that to our own beliefs.
3. Decide based on accurate data, not gather data based on your opinion
Far too often we make our decisions first and then try to justify them based on data we collect. We somehow believe that only data that supports our position is accurate and only the data which shows something different is inaccurate. We might claim things like conspiracy, political motives, ignorance, or something else.
My experience has also shown me that most data is biased, some much more than others. Most data has an agenda but by looking at a multitude of data you can better tell what is going on.
I have also found that proactively researching a topic of interest is much more effective than waiting for other people to form it for us with soundbites.
4. Insist on accuracy on both sides
This is especially important when looking at data. Insist that data only tells you what it is actually saying.
Also make sure that you verify things before sharing them. I have seen too many people look foolish by posting stories that simply are not true. It makes it much more difficult to believe things they post in the future. This is especially true when they insist it is correct when it clearly isn’t. There are a multitude of great places to check things that take a few minutes of searching online.
5. Realize things are complex
We often like to oversimplify problems with simple models in our mind. This may be helpful to understand basic concepts but can very insufficient to understand much larger and complex topics. Just because we want a simple model and a clear right/wrong doesn’t mean it exists.
In most things there are many competing interests trying to get what they want. You have different interests wrestling for control. Too often we quickly side with one interest that we can relate to instead of exploring what the other interests are. Quite often we even take seemingly contradictory positions on a variety of issues without even realizing it.
Going and understanding a variety of sides helps you realize that there are plenty of competing interests and there may not be a clear right and wrong on the issue, despite our strong desire for one.
6. Disengage when things become too emotional
This is really two steps. The first is knowing when a discussion is pointless. The second is actually quitting. This can be very difficult to do because you often one to add just one more point because if they only understood …
I have found it helpful to try to remember that people are not rational and when they feel unsafe in a discussion they aren’t logical. Bringing up really good points almost always causes them to dig in even deeper and ends up being counterproductive. Sometimes the rest of the discussion needs to be saved for another day when the topic isn’t so emotional.
I have found this to be a particular problem when people become fundamentalists on certain issue. Only their views on the issue matter and they will reject any evidence to the contrary. These make for very unproductive discussions.
Summary
Opening yourself to the possibility that you might be wrong is a scary thing for many of us. I reflect back on some of the positions I took when I was younger and realize that I failed to consider certain facts and points of view that could have at least helped me gain a better understanding of the issue. And then I look at a recent discussion on my Facebook post about gun control between two very strongly opinionated people on the issue. They managed to have a pretty good discussion, raising points, discussing ideas, and they even kept it civil so everybody benefited.
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